Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
