I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they're like a gay fantastic four
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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