I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
