I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
