I looked at my own cervix.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
