I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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