We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm determined to sit on that face.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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