I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
