pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
