Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
