fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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