I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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