Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
