I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
