She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
