i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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