I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
