you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
