Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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