Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
