My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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