Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
