Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
