she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
