6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no, he came in my armpit
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
