Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
