Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
