headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
