I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
