I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
