no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
