i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
