how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
