Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
