Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
