His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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