Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
