3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
