Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
PANTIES FOUND
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
