I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
