where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
