Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
