i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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