I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You have to summon your inner elephant
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
