My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
