check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
