May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
