look no pants
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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