need another drink. this is the easiest way
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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