Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
