You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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