I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
